Remarkable Resilience

New Study on Stress Sources - and Why Worry Only Makes It Worse!

The American Psychological Association just released the results of a new poll of 2500 people.  According toll, 66% of Americans feel the economy is stressing them significantly right now, 56% say that the cost of housing is worrying them, and another 48% are worried that their jobs may not be stable.

http://www.forbes.com/health/2008/06/11/health-economy-stress-forbeslife-cx_avd_0611health.html

When it comes to those factors in life that threaten security - the ability to support one's family and to provide for their basic needs - the fear cuts deeply. 

Yet, worrying about it does not change a thing - and it may cause you to be so preoccupied or depressed that you make mistakes on your job (which does not help your job security). Ultimately, worry can create health problems, which also has the unintended outcome of threatening your ability to bring home the money you and your family need to live.

So, what are you to do? 

1) Continue to work responsibly, doing all you can with all you have where you are right now.  (I talk more about this in Chapter 2 of This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me.)

2)Think creatively.  Sometimes being in a pinch causes you to explore avenues you wouldn't have gone down in calmer times.  You just might jar yourself out of some ruts and discover new sources of income - and fulfillment.

Yes, it's hard right now.  I groan when I go to the gas pump, pay my mortgage, and deal with unexpected expenses.  But I trust in God - and faithfully work.  I know that God will always make a way!

Dr. Bev Smallwood

Feeling Stressed? Go Outside!

A recent study at the University of Washington documented that being able to see actual nature reduces heart rate after a stressful task - much more than a digitally-produced nature scene. 

http://www.psycport.com/showArticle.cfm?xmlFile=krt%5F2008%5F06%5F11%5Fknihj%5F6291%2D0110%2DMED%2DNATURE%2ESE%2Exml&provider=The%20Seattle%20Times

Nature is free!!  Get on outside and enjoy it!

Share YOUR no-cost, low-cost stress relievers!

Bev Smallwood, Ph.D.

Will Hillary Self-Destruct?

It’s official.  Hillary Clinton’s dream of becoming President in 2008 has been dashed.  Once considered unbeatable because of a great fund-raising network, an experienced campaign team, a popular former President as a husband, and her own celebrity, Hillary is now facing the fact that she has suffered defeat in her bid to become the Democratic nominee for President of the

United States

.

This is not a political editorial; it’s an observation on the commonality of human experience. No matter what your political persuasion, you’d have to acknowledge that Senator Clinton has shown herself to be an incredibly focused and determined woman.  For such a person, the disappointment of failing to reach a treasured goal is a bitter pill.

After all, Hillary is human like all of us, subject to the truth that one day you can be on top of the world; the next day the world may be on top of you. The way this major let-down affects the rest of her life is solely dependent on her choices – deeply personal decisions that she may never talk about, but of which we will witness the evidence in her public life. 

Will she play the victim, complaining about how she was treated or projecting the blame for the defeat?  Or will she move on to whatever opportunities are next, taking full responsibility for doing all she can with what she has, where she is right now? 

Will Hillary allow the inevitable frustrations and anger to harden into bitterness, secretly looking for ways to even the score?  That choice would destroy her future.  As former U.S. Vice President Hubert Humphrey said, “Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”  The question is, will Hillary be able to let the hurts go, forgive when necessary, and be open to reconciliation and new partnerships?

Will this former Presidential candidate become depressed, sinking into the mire of despair and self-pity?  Or will she be honest enough to give herself permission to experience that most painful of healing processes, grief?

Some would say that Hillary’s future is now in Barack Obama’s hands, as the country wonders if he will he pick her as his Vice-Presidential running mate.  I say that those people are sadly misinformed.  No, Hillary’s future rests in her own hands.  No matter what office she holds or does not hold, her prognosis for truly thriving as time goes on is a very personal matter.  If she secretly falls prey to the negative and destructive choices, she dooms her success and her own genuine fulfillment.  This woman has already demonstrated amazing resilience.  If she exercises her ability to choose wisely – deep in her heart and mind where no one immediately sees - then no setback is permanent, no failure final. No matter what course her political career takes, this person will survive and thrive.

Each one of us faces those same decisions.  When, not if, adversity strikes, we can choose to live courageously, respectfully, and persistently.  William Ward said, “Adversity causes some to break; others to break records.”  Like Hillary Clinton, each of us must choose.

Dr. Bev Smallwood is a psychologist, and author of “This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen to Me:  10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World.”  Visit www.DrBevSmallwood.com.

 

The Emotional Aftermath of a Tornado

Killer tornadoes and other natural disasters have broken recent records in 2008. Following in second place to the year 1999, when The National Weather Service declared 669 tornadoes by mid May, this tornado season has produced 636 twisters as of May 11. If 2008 continues adding to the number of twisters produced, it could top the year 1950 with a record amount. According to USATODAY.com, that’s not the only record waiting to be broken this year.  Ninety-eight deaths have been credited to the twisters in 2008, making this year the deadliest since the 1998.

Who could ever predict the fear, physical destruction, and psychological turmoil brought by a destructive tornado?  The tornado passes.  Things are eerily quiet.  But like the physical chaos it leaves, the tornado also leaves emotional chaos in its wake.  Tornado survivors may feel powerless and out of control.  They may engage in self-blame, feeling that somehow they should have been able to prevent the injury, damage, or even death. They may become overly anxious, because this life event has shaken their assumptions about the safety of the world and the people in it. They can become depressed, feeling that their whole life is a mess and doubting that it could ever get better.

After the physical mess is cleaned up, the real emotional work begins.  Tornado survivors are faced with the ten choices I wrote about in "This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me."  They may still be in that early shock, the denial that says, "No way did this happen to us."  Yet deal with reality they must.  Though they were victimized by this weather disaster, they don't have to adopt the mentality of a chronic victim - complaining more than they act, engaging in serious self-pity, and looking for someone else to fix the problem.  No, they have to be "responsible," doing all they can with all they have where they are right now.

My prayers are with them.

Dr. Bev Smallwood

www.DrBevSmallwood.com

Can You "Catch" Trauma?

A recently-released study on post-911 counselors/social workers demonstrated what many mental health professionals (including me) already know.  Indeed, trauma is contagious.  Listening empathically to the stories of survivors can produce secondary trauma symptoms in the listener.  My favorite term for this phenomenon is "compassion fatigue."

http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/healthday/080502/911-counselors-at-risk-for-secondary-trauma.htm

Would-be helpers of all kinds - friends, family members, certainly therapists, pastors, teachers - need to be aware that you don't emerge unscathed from hours and hours of listening to traumatic stories.  If you give a darn, you "feel with" the traumatized individual.  (Empathy can be both a blessing and a curse!) As a result of experiencing their pain, you can actually develop symptoms of PTSD or other anxiety disorders.  As the impact of the vicarious experiencing of horrific events grows, you may feel you have to protect yourself emotionally.  Quite understandably.  Yet, if you're not careful, you can harden yourself, become cynical, or avoid those you really care about.  You begin to lose yourself and the emotional talents which make you a wonderful helper. 

The message here is, helpers must not give, give, give until they are depleted and injured themselves. Helpers can minimize compassion fatigue by:

1.  learning to set boundaries, so that you have time and opportunity to rest and recuperate;

2.  varying your activities, not spending the lion's share of your time in intense conversations with traumatized people;

3.  taking care of yourself spiritually, physically, and emotionally;

4.  consulting with colleagues to get a perspective and to guard against the tendency to assume too much responsibility for the pain of others.

Helpers, taking care of yourself while taking care of others is one of the most unselfish things you can do.  After all, if you are to continue to be a compassionate giver, you have to be reasonably well yourself!

Dr. Bev Smallwood, Psychologist, Author, This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me! 

Taking Care of Yourself - Sometimes Difficult!

It's been a struggle this week, beginning with a sore throat Monday, escalating to laryngitis and the general "crud."  I finally relented from my determination to push ahead and cancelled all activities that called for voice Thursday, in anticipation of a speaking engagement on Friday.  I made it through that with an understandable voice, then all came back on me with a vengeance.  Last night was a tough night, and I can barely speak above a whisper today.  I'm trying to "be good" and recover today, as I don't want to miss the class I teach at church for women in recovery.  I don't want to let anyone down.

The week before was a very stressful one, with a three-day speaking trip and various crises at the office.  You know, the old body responds to such stress with a diminished capacity to fight off germs. 

I don't know about you, but it's very hard for me to stop and rest.  I feel such a responsibility for the people for whom I try to make a difference. I teach resilience, yet sometimes I break the rules myself - and I pay the price for it. The truth is, if we don't take care of ourselves, we will have nothing to give to others.

I was reflecting this morning on the 23rd Psalm - "He maketh me to lie down..."

Sometimes that's exactly what one should do - and that's the best thing I can accomplish today.

Do you have trouble "lying down?" 

Dr. Bev Smallwood

Eli's Startling Revelation

My youngest grandson, 6-year-old Eli, bragged to Amy, his mother, "i cleaned my room good, but Joseph and Ethan (his older brothers) did theirs in a hurry and didn't do it right.  I did mine right.  They did theirs wrong."

Amy answered, "That's good, Eli.  You chose to do yours right."

After a long, thoughtful pause, a startled look crossed this little face.  Incredulously, he answered, "You mean you get to CHOOSE?"

Of course, Amy took this as a teachable moment and gave him other examples.  She reminded him of when he'd come in crying and complaining because they had done something he didn't like.  She had told him then something like, "Don't let that bother you!"  "But I can't help it," he'd reply. 

But this day, it was as if, for the first time, it had hit the little fellow that he could choose his reactions.

"You mean you get to choose?"

Yes, yes, yes!!

Let that phrase echo in your spirit!

Those of us that are a lot older than 6 sometimes forget that simple, yet life-changing lesson!

Dr. Bev

Oklahoma City Survivors Remember, Using Symbol of Triumph

Can you believe it's been 13 years since the Oklahoma City bombing that left 168 dead? I can't.

http://newsok.com/article/3232592/1208660100

As I read the account of survivors and families of the dead pausing to remember, I was struck by a symbol of triumph these individuals used.  Each family was offered seedlings, each sprouted from the Survivor Tree, an American elm that survived the bombing. 

You know what?  That metaphor has power for each of us as we go through the difficulties of life.  While there may be many painful losses, contained within that experience are the seeds of new growth.  Yet, they won't grow unless they are planted.

I so admire the people I've worked with over the years who not only managed to deal with their own recovery from tragic events, they went a step further. They took those experiences, learned valuable lessons on resilience, then reached out to help others with compassion, grace, and wisdom.  They did not waste their suffering.  They planted the seeds their adversity had yielded to produce green growth in others as well as themselves.

William Ward said, "Adversity causes some people to break; others to break records."

Dr. Bev

Post-Traumatic Stress and Depression After War Service

Rand has just released a new independent study entitled, "The Invisible Wounds of War:  Psychological and Cognitive Injuries, Their Consequences, and Services to Assist Recovery."  They studied U.S. troops who have survived bombs and other traumatic aspects of active combat in Iraq or Afghanistan. They surveyed 1965 service members of all military branches, including those still in the military and those who have completed their service. 

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080418/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/troops_mental_health

Here are a few of their findings: 

1.  Roughly 1 in 5 now suffers from major depression or post-traumatic stress (an estimated 300,000).

2. As many or more report possible brain injuries from explosions or other head wounds.

3.  Only about 1/2 of those with mental health problems have sought treatment. 

4.  Those who did not get help gave the following reasons:  worrying about the side effects of medications, believing family or friends could help them with the problem, or fearing that seeking treatment might damage their careers.

These findings are quite disturbing, especially when you add to these numbers the toll the injuries take on the families of our veterans. 

Col. Loree Sutton of the Pentagon said that the Rand study was a welcome addition to the work defense officials are already doing.  They are currently adding thousands more mental health professionals to address these wartime demands of military personnel and their families.

Whether your trauma occurred in the military or in a personal tragedy, PTSD can be treated.  However, it is best treated when treated early.  Don't let stigma keep you away from seeking the help of a mental health professional who is competent to work with you after traumatic life events.

For additional help with PTSD, read my book (see below), or do a search in the Articles Library of my website, www.DrBevSmallwood.com.

Dr. Bev Smallwood; Author, This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me:  10 Make-or-Break Choices When Life Steals Your Dreams and Rocks Your World

Does "Bitter" Lead One to God?

Much has been made of Obama's words about middle Americans being "bitter," which he says has led them to religion, among other things. Political persuasions aside, I respectfully disagree with Senator Obama's statement.  My observation has been that people who are bitter do not draw nearer to God.  Rather, bitterness produces cynicism, diminishes faith, and catches the person in a trap that leads anywhere but to a heart open to faith.  In fact, bitterness hardens the soul and poisons the spirit. What I've observed is that bitter people withdraw from intimate communication with God and with others.

One of the choices I wrote about in "This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me" was Bitterness vs. Forgiveness.  You can read more about how to let go of bitterness there. But for now, allow me to remind you that bitterness is like acide; it eats the container that holds it.

Dr. Bev