Remarkable Resilience

New Study on Stress Sources - and Why Worry Only Makes It Worse!

The American Psychological Association just released the results of a new poll of 2500 people.  According toll, 66% of Americans feel the economy is stressing them significantly right now, 56% say that the cost of housing is worrying them, and another 48% are worried that their jobs may not be stable.

http://www.forbes.com/health/2008/06/11/health-economy-stress-forbeslife-cx_avd_0611health.html

When it comes to those factors in life that threaten security - the ability to support one's family and to provide for their basic needs - the fear cuts deeply. 

Yet, worrying about it does not change a thing - and it may cause you to be so preoccupied or depressed that you make mistakes on your job (which does not help your job security). Ultimately, worry can create health problems, which also has the unintended outcome of threatening your ability to bring home the money you and your family need to live.

So, what are you to do? 

1) Continue to work responsibly, doing all you can with all you have where you are right now.  (I talk more about this in Chapter 2 of This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me.)

2)Think creatively.  Sometimes being in a pinch causes you to explore avenues you wouldn't have gone down in calmer times.  You just might jar yourself out of some ruts and discover new sources of income - and fulfillment.

Yes, it's hard right now.  I groan when I go to the gas pump, pay my mortgage, and deal with unexpected expenses.  But I trust in God - and faithfully work.  I know that God will always make a way!

Dr. Bev Smallwood

Feeling Stressed? Go Outside!

A recent study at the University of Washington documented that being able to see actual nature reduces heart rate after a stressful task - much more than a digitally-produced nature scene. 

http://www.psycport.com/showArticle.cfm?xmlFile=krt%5F2008%5F06%5F11%5Fknihj%5F6291%2D0110%2DMED%2DNATURE%2ESE%2Exml&provider=The%20Seattle%20Times

Nature is free!!  Get on outside and enjoy it!

Share YOUR no-cost, low-cost stress relievers!

Bev Smallwood, Ph.D.

The Emotional Aftermath of a Tornado

Killer tornadoes and other natural disasters have broken recent records in 2008. Following in second place to the year 1999, when The National Weather Service declared 669 tornadoes by mid May, this tornado season has produced 636 twisters as of May 11. If 2008 continues adding to the number of twisters produced, it could top the year 1950 with a record amount. According to USATODAY.com, that’s not the only record waiting to be broken this year.  Ninety-eight deaths have been credited to the twisters in 2008, making this year the deadliest since the 1998.

Who could ever predict the fear, physical destruction, and psychological turmoil brought by a destructive tornado?  The tornado passes.  Things are eerily quiet.  But like the physical chaos it leaves, the tornado also leaves emotional chaos in its wake.  Tornado survivors may feel powerless and out of control.  They may engage in self-blame, feeling that somehow they should have been able to prevent the injury, damage, or even death. They may become overly anxious, because this life event has shaken their assumptions about the safety of the world and the people in it. They can become depressed, feeling that their whole life is a mess and doubting that it could ever get better.

After the physical mess is cleaned up, the real emotional work begins.  Tornado survivors are faced with the ten choices I wrote about in "This Wasn't Supposed to Happen to Me."  They may still be in that early shock, the denial that says, "No way did this happen to us."  Yet deal with reality they must.  Though they were victimized by this weather disaster, they don't have to adopt the mentality of a chronic victim - complaining more than they act, engaging in serious self-pity, and looking for someone else to fix the problem.  No, they have to be "responsible," doing all they can with all they have where they are right now.

My prayers are with them.

Dr. Bev Smallwood

www.DrBevSmallwood.com

Taking Care of Yourself - Sometimes Difficult!

It's been a struggle this week, beginning with a sore throat Monday, escalating to laryngitis and the general "crud."  I finally relented from my determination to push ahead and cancelled all activities that called for voice Thursday, in anticipation of a speaking engagement on Friday.  I made it through that with an understandable voice, then all came back on me with a vengeance.  Last night was a tough night, and I can barely speak above a whisper today.  I'm trying to "be good" and recover today, as I don't want to miss the class I teach at church for women in recovery.  I don't want to let anyone down.

The week before was a very stressful one, with a three-day speaking trip and various crises at the office.  You know, the old body responds to such stress with a diminished capacity to fight off germs. 

I don't know about you, but it's very hard for me to stop and rest.  I feel such a responsibility for the people for whom I try to make a difference. I teach resilience, yet sometimes I break the rules myself - and I pay the price for it. The truth is, if we don't take care of ourselves, we will have nothing to give to others.

I was reflecting this morning on the 23rd Psalm - "He maketh me to lie down..."

Sometimes that's exactly what one should do - and that's the best thing I can accomplish today.

Do you have trouble "lying down?" 

Dr. Bev Smallwood

Eli's Startling Revelation

My youngest grandson, 6-year-old Eli, bragged to Amy, his mother, "i cleaned my room good, but Joseph and Ethan (his older brothers) did theirs in a hurry and didn't do it right.  I did mine right.  They did theirs wrong."

Amy answered, "That's good, Eli.  You chose to do yours right."

After a long, thoughtful pause, a startled look crossed this little face.  Incredulously, he answered, "You mean you get to CHOOSE?"

Of course, Amy took this as a teachable moment and gave him other examples.  She reminded him of when he'd come in crying and complaining because they had done something he didn't like.  She had told him then something like, "Don't let that bother you!"  "But I can't help it," he'd reply. 

But this day, it was as if, for the first time, it had hit the little fellow that he could choose his reactions.

"You mean you get to choose?"

Yes, yes, yes!!

Let that phrase echo in your spirit!

Those of us that are a lot older than 6 sometimes forget that simple, yet life-changing lesson!

Dr. Bev

Oklahoma City Survivors Remember, Using Symbol of Triumph

Can you believe it's been 13 years since the Oklahoma City bombing that left 168 dead? I can't.

http://newsok.com/article/3232592/1208660100

As I read the account of survivors and families of the dead pausing to remember, I was struck by a symbol of triumph these individuals used.  Each family was offered seedlings, each sprouted from the Survivor Tree, an American elm that survived the bombing. 

You know what?  That metaphor has power for each of us as we go through the difficulties of life.  While there may be many painful losses, contained within that experience are the seeds of new growth.  Yet, they won't grow unless they are planted.

I so admire the people I've worked with over the years who not only managed to deal with their own recovery from tragic events, they went a step further. They took those experiences, learned valuable lessons on resilience, then reached out to help others with compassion, grace, and wisdom.  They did not waste their suffering.  They planted the seeds their adversity had yielded to produce green growth in others as well as themselves.

William Ward said, "Adversity causes some people to break; others to break records."

Dr. Bev